For all of us who didn’t win;
but still have some things to celebrate
Writing this means I have succumbed to peer-pressure, the positive kind. I have read at least 50 reviews over the last 72 hours, infact I just finished reading my friend, Oyinlola’s own and I will send her an email after this because I’ve missed her. Writing this also means I am starting the new year how I want to- to do the things that matter to me, to execute as fast as I think, and fight against procrastination with all my might.
I have seen different kind of reviews-the long, the short, the comical, the epistolaric, the prosaic, the compartmentalised and the essayist- I have decided to take a stab at an MoM (Month on Month) approach, hoping I don’t falter again.
January: January continued from December, this means I have to tell you about December. In Dec 22, I resigned from a place I called home, a place that has been home for me for two years. I loved the home, everyone knew, I talked about the home with so much gusto; with a lot of zeal and zest. I loved, and breathed the scents of home, alas, as Warsan Shire wrote; you do not leave home unless home is the mouth of a shark.
Leaving home means you have to search for pastures, for lands where your hands could get busy and your heart could find rest, there was a problem though; I have never had to search because home always found me, so I do not know how to.
In Dec, I also got a rejection mail from a dream company; I didn’t apply , I was poached, it is one of the most pleasant conversation I have had, the role is also the most lucrative I have interviewed for; it would have been a perfect organisation to join- and then the rejection mail knocked. I channeled the sadness from the rejection mail to apply for a life-changing opportunity that took more than 250 hours of my time (yes, I was counting, and I could track 279 hours of preparation minus those I forgot to document). I gotta shoutout to Oyin, Mo, Oriade, Anoma, Shakira and every other person who was in my corner this period because I stressed them a whole lot.
Now that you have an idea of what happened in December, let’s spotlight January. January started in a rush, I joined an organisation that seemed disorganised at the very least. I often wonder why people think superstars are magicians. It’s like having a football team with no strategy, structure or style of play and signing a superstar to win trophies; isn’t that a recipe for disaster? In January, I met a gem, a jewel, a light, an absolute rockstar who invited me to into her rather intriguing world.
In January, I also prayed, I prayed a whole lot. There was a 21 days fasting and prayer in church (The New) and I showed up everyday. In fact, our resident pastor looked at me one day and said, you have been consistent this year o, is it part of your new year goals? Looking back to how the year went, I wondered what will have happened if I didn’t pray, or maybe God heard and didn’t answer? I don’t know.
I have struggled with church since the T.A scandal and 2023 was the year I was supposed to go back to church fully, let’s just say that didn’t go well.
February: February came with the first major rejection of the year. It is major because it’s the one I spent 270 hours preparing for. You know how everyone think you are the perfect candidate for something and then you apply and the application committee thinks otherwise? That’s what happened. My two friends and colleagues at work had gotten the same opportunity; we have the same level of pedigree in our fields, with the same range of impact, influence and awards, but that’s the thing about applications, reviewers have biases and mine caught up with me fast. This rejection also altered the course of the year, it meant that I had to start converting short-term goals to long-term goals and the job I had didn’t fit into the long term, so I resigned (again).
Remember when I said I don’t know how to search for home? Well, another one came knocking and after three rounds of interviews and one (really mentally demanding test), I joined one of the most coveted place to work in Africa as far as Media is concerned.
I also (FINALLY) met Ayobami Adebayo at the Book Launch of her award-winning book, and I met another amazing lady, a fashion conossieur whose exploits I am so proud of.
March: March is my birth-month and the thing about March is that no matter how upside-down the world is, my friends will always show-up. In March I interviewed for another life-changing opportunity thanks to help from my friends Osita and Esther. I had the best photoshoot directed by the smartest stylist I’ve ever worked with and shot by a genius photographer who happened to be my friend. It was an experience, it captured my essence. In March, I also got a rejection mail of a rejection mail. I had appealed the rejection mail I got in February and again, I got a rejection 48 hours after sending in the appeal and my friends were so angry. Remember the bias I talked about? The biggest lesson from me during the whole process was that sometimes, you seem a perfect fit for an opportunity until you apply; also different opportunities have different things they deliberately watch out for and while you are good, and excellent, sometimes, you are not just their fit (I also learnt this from Grace Ihejiamaizu)
April and May: I can’t remember the things that happened this months to be very honest. I know I got confirmed at work (post-probation) and I felt like I had finally arrive and I could make another place my home. To be very honest, unlike most people, when I am working with any organisation, I carry them on my head, wholeheartedly, with all my soul and being, I breathe them and live them, this is a very unhealthy behaviour in a capitalist structure where you are easily discardable but I don’t learn my lessons, do I? Please learn this lesson, you are discardable, easily discardable as far as a capitalist structure is concerned so always think about yourself first
Oh, in May, I fought the biggest battle of my life; the organisation I gave my sweat and blood denied me something that belonged to me, it was extremly exhausting for my soul, gosh! People are wicked o and capitalism is as brutal as what we watch. I remember telling my friend Tolu that I stopped watching Succession because of how callously cut-throat everyone was and she responded saying - that’s corporate world for you. I am scared I do not like that world.
I actually learnt the definition of kindness and how people can choose to be kind or not. I shall tell the full story soon but I want to thank Caleb Adebayo, Chidinma, Cornelius, Lolade, Jide and Michael for being with me through this turbulent period. Sadly, there was more turbulence to come.
June: Another major rejection. At this point, my heart was shattered. I had thought about a thousand things that could have gone wrong and all of them did go wrong, so here was I staring at another MAJOR rejection mail from another life-changing opportunity. In Hauwa’s voice- who exactly did I offend?
In June, I was part of the grooms-men for the first time, my friend Caleb had gone to pluck flower in another city and it was really super beautiful. I loved every moment of the experience. Gosh! it was lovely.
I also took a trip from Enugu to Nsukka and saw all the lovely place mummy CNA wrote about. Shoutout to Treasure for being my partner in Adventure. I got a major nomination in June, and I was ranked as one of the top-20 most disruptive people-leader by a blog in the UK. It meant a whole lot to me and it was a perfect validation I needed at the time.
In June, I bought woman a bunch of flowers for the first time and waited five hours to pick her at the airport. I’ve always been a loverboy.
July: July went pretty fast too; I might not remember a lot of things but I remember the build-up to FIFA Women’s World Cup. This was an important part of my year because if you know me, you know how much vested interest I have in women’s football. It’s my way of contributing to the propagation of SDG 5- Gender Equality. Asides guest-writing for Impetus (Now Impetus 71) a football-centric blog in UK and Australia, I collaborated with my friends Cornelius (who birthed the idea) and Oyinda to start a football media page named Fervora where we create awareness about women’s football with spotlight on African players. I also had rich conversations with respected journalist and stakeholders across the globe, one of my favorite convo was with Debola A. The World cup was a major highlight I won’t forget in a long while and I look forward to more doors opening for me to contrbute to the promotion and advocacy of women football globally.
August: At this point, I feel like I can lump the rest of the months together. You can pause, take a glass of water and fasten your seatbelt, you are about to go on a pulsating ride.
My world came crashing down in August. It was a Friday morning and I had woken up to a call from my (ex) CEO. He never calls me , he never does cause I am one of the most responsive people on Slack. (yes, my Slack is always on even after work hours so if anyone wants to reach me at work, they think of slack first). Work-life balance in the mud. Infact people (like Ope, Lolade and Anita) send me Slack messages at nine pm knowing that I will see it and I will respond. I learnt that from my first workplace
When I saw his call, I thought it was an emergency; we had just finished resolving a disciplinary issue and I thought maybe something had come out of that, I didn’t foresee being laid off, but I was laid off. There was no specific reason asides the fact that business was not doing well (I knew this cause of how senior my rank was in the business) but I didn’t know it was that bad.
People deal with grief differently, people react to bad occurences differently. I remember the media criticizing Megan Rapinoe, a senior US footballer who laughed after losing a penalty that made her country crash out of the competition. I do not know how to handle grief (this is infact the title of a poem I wrote in one of my collections). Everything was happening fast, I was going to work till month end because I was wrapping up some policies and that was it. I had a speaking engagement in Ekiti that day (and the next), my acquaintance Damola had invited me to speak to her alumni association on how to be employable- what an irony. I had just been laid off and I was going to teach people how to be employable. August flew fast. My colleagues that were laid off tweeted and posted about it, I couldn’t, I didn’t know how to. In fact, I retweeted their tweet and reposted on LinkedIn, but me? I didn’t say anything, I was still in denial.
In September, I took a break; I took a break because I was tired, exhausted, famished, heartbroken, disappointed. I was tired of how long the year has been and the aggregation of heartbreaks I had suffered but didn’t have time to grief. In September, I cleared my Netflix list and watched movie everyday. In September, I searched for tears and did not find. When you are laid off, you should search for a new job, right? Not me, I didn’t. I didn’t know how to, I have never done so. Jobs search for me, I always get poached, and always say no to offers and recruiters. In fact, in May, I had said no to a mouthwatering offer from a company (that would later fold up), and declined another offer in an industry I didn’t like because of its volatilty. How can I then search for a job, a spec like me? Life must be laughing at me.
In October; I realised I was depressed. I realised I longed for death more than living, that everyday, I woke up not knowing what to do (because I actually thrive on doing things, a lot of things simultaneously but now my job is gone). In October, I searched for tears, I searched for tears desperately and did not find. I barely slept, I watched movies, youtube videos, talk shows, and did everything except what I should be doing- searching for jobs. In October, I planned a birthday for flower , and splattered smiles across her heart.
In October, I launched HR Clinic- the ray of sunshine for the rest of the year and FK and Jola gives me a shoutout on ISWIS podcast, my favorite people for real.
In November, I sought help: I realised I had been hiding from my friends (only my circle- about six people, knew I was searching for jobs, actually I wasn’t exactly searching cause I was barely applying to jobs but you know what I mean). You know how you tell your friends (and acquaintances) that you are going through something and they respond with, you’ll be fine? , please let’s stop that habit in 2024. If they will be fine, they would not have reached out to you. After I told a couple acquaintances and friends that I was job-searching and they replied with — it’s you now, you will be fine, you are the baddest HR ever, I locked up. How can you say I will be fine when I have been anything but fine? When a company rejected me because I wasn’t on their timezone and another one rejected me because they don’t hire from my region (after explicitly putting EMEA on the job application), we all know the A is silent, don’t we?
In November, I poured energy into HR clinic (shout-out to Alma Alsinobi, Taslim, Victor Onyekere, Amy-Diseye, Victor Babatunde, Treasure, Ganiyu, Michael, Phoebe and everyone who carried HR clinic on their head). In November, I realised I am very good at my profession, that I am badass, that I have been playing small and I need to come up hither. I even used Kdrama to explain the concept of Employee Engagement and Employer Branding, am I not awe-inspiring?
In November, I stare at the vehicles speeding at Billingsway wishing I could jump to the front of them, and realised I was still chronically depressed. (Odunola will probably wonder why I didn’t tell her this and smirk at me when she sees this). In November, flower let go of my hand after lovely bumpy ride. In November, I realised I needed help so I reached out to my friends, again.
In November, I reached out to my circle and they saved me, they helped me, they were there for me. Tega, Odun, Ife and Cecilia sent me prayers every day. M put me on her payroll and sent me monthly allowance (sweet girl for real), C and Hadassah sent me 6-figure gifts without me asking, Hephzibah asks for my account number and I wake up to a 5-figure alert and lots more. Zoe checks on me repeatedly, and Tamara and Debby sends me cash too.
In November, Mo sends me 5-figure cash for our Youtube subscription, we both know why she did and Tolulope jumps on a call with me , checking on my welfare, applications and if I am preparing to go again.
In November, Tomi, Osita and Esther send me encouraging messages and ask if I am applying to the opportunity that broke my heart again, DMJ sends me a long vn on how rejection is a common phenomenal no matter how amazing you are and Fiks ask me to aim for the stars. Oluwasemipe calls me for an hour and we speak about everything and nothing, Shakira and Rogers prep me for an interview (that led to an admission with partial scholarship that I can’t accept because I don’t like the idea of student loan) , and my younger brother sends me money. In November, I opened up to my circle, and they saved me. I am forever grateful to them.
In December; I realised the reality, that I have been out of job for three months and I have not been searching for jobs like people should, but more importantly, that I have been out of job, but I have not been out of my career. In December, I start scanty job applications, and take scantier interviews. I realise how generally shitty some Nigerian companies are and how ridiculously rigorous some recruiment process is (because why are you giving me a three-paged test to do after three different rounds of interview and still telling me there is a final meeting, or why did you let me go through two rounds of interviews only for you to say you want a female CHRO).
I think the most painful part of December was seeing people post their awards, talk about salaries, post office parties and other Christmas merriment. I remembered seeing a tweet about collecting double salary and lamenting about how she would manage, and paused to remember the last time I collected salary.
In December, I was nominated and won the HR/Talent recruiter of the year. (It still feels like a dream, but as I said, you can be out of your job, but never be out of your career, it is yours to hone, to own.)
In December, Selar ranked me as one of the top 100 creators in Africa, I was the Only HR on the list. In December , I realised I am a superstar, and I have been playing small while letting imposter syndrome and unprocessed grief get the best of me.
There are a lot of lessons 2023 taught me, and one of them is not to have shame when it comes to asking for help. As my friend Nneka tweeted a while ago, there is no shame in asking for help. We literally need people to help us. People (some people, most people) are willing (even when they are not able) to help us so we should always ask for help.
In 2024, I will ask for help; you already know I am now actively searching for a well-paying hybrid or remote Lead HR role with a reputable organisation, so please refer me. I am also available to speak at events, train organisations and facilitate both internal and external knowledge sharing sessions . I know my stuff and I always deliver (evidence dey). You can reach out via helloemmanuelfaith@gmail.com
In 2024, I will not stare at my problems, and challenges, I will face them heads-on and deal with them. In 2024, I will not be shy to brag about my good-work (I already added award-winning HR professional to my bio because that’s who I am, a culture shaper as far as HR is concerned).
In 2024, I will do whatever my hand find doing dilligently and I will ask for help when I need it… and that’s it.
If you read up to this part, you are the real G so let’s draw the curtain.
The final reason why I decided to write a review (asides the fact that I didn’t write one in 2022, and Oriade has said I should write one for myself) is because one of my super-amazing friends P, said 2023 was my year, after I posted my selar nomination. I am sure she said it in good faith, she is one of my number one supporter, and she always root for me, so I know that comment had the best of intentions but it also broke me.
I do not think that 2023 was my year; I lost a lot this year, financially, mentally, career and time-wise. I do not think that I won (despite all the wins that I got and I am super-grateful for), I think the year tested me with fire, with ice, and I am just really glad that I made it to the finish line in one piece and I have learnt enough lessons to go again in 2024.
I will wrap up with one of my favorite words from one of my amazing friends- Tolulope Dada and maybe paraphrase;
“I will win, soon. When I do, please don’t believe that I shot once and won. I have felt inadequate, stayed up all night, wished for tears to come. I have spent 280 hours on an application that didn’t work out. I have failed a lot more than I have suceeded. Please do not ignore the backstory”
Thank you for reading and let’s have a great 2024.
